—Season 4, Episode 2: Creatures of the Night—
‘So, in the interest of transparency, we’re recording this episode about two hours after the last one. I’m not used to burning through episodes like this, but there’s no way I’m passing up an opportunity like this. The raw files have gone off to Eddie to do his magic with, so at this point I haven’t even heard episode one, let alone what the response is like to our new “actually having real monsters on the show” direction. I’m going to assume by the time this one’s edited, though, we’ll have a new sponsor or two.’
‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful to our old sponsors, but there are limits to just how much I can afford to do on sponsorships for recycled memory foam mattresses, home cock and ball waxing kits, and weekly novelty soda delivery subscriptions. Although I stand by Jenkins’ Sodas subscriptions. That shit’s tasty, and I’m not just saying that because they sent me a crate. Because I’m pretty sure with the amount I’ve bought since I’ve actually lost money on that deal.’
‘Our last guests are in fact still in the room. Jude, still in full monster mode, has annexed my bed and is currently napping, and Haley is making good use of my shower. If you’d have told me three days ago that I’d be recording a new episode from a hotel room bed, next to a sleeping werewolf I’d have, well, if I’m honest I’d have probably been thrilled.’
The two new individuals who have come to join us could not be more different from my new werewolf friends. The werewolves are tanned, scruffy, sociable, and seem almost entirely unbothered by all of what’s going on. These gentlemen, on the other hand, the opposite of that in every way.
…
‘Still, it’s time to introduce this episode’s guests. Here in what I’m going to call the studio for professionalism’s sake are Emmanuel Holton, with whom you will be familiar as the man who delivered the speech at yesterday’s press conference, and Ryan Spencer. Both men are vampires, who have kindly found time in the media rounds to come up and chat with me.’
‘If I’m entirely frank with you, Miss Blanchard, it is something of a relief to take a break from the gauntlet of cameras downstairs,’ admitted Emmanuel. ‘We are normally rather private individuals. This sudden exposure is exhausting.’
Yeah,’ Ryan agreed. ‘I needed out for a while. One microphone and a werewolf is practically relaxing by comparison. And this is nice, comfier than the other interviews, you know.’
‘Well, I did have plans to set the other room up for interviews, you know? I did get given a suite, after all. But then you try keeping werewolves away from a warm bed,’ Cadence explained. ‘They seem to be natural loungers. Oh, and it’s two werewolves, by the way.’
‘Ahh, I had wondered where Miss Stanford had got to,’ Emmanuel said, nodding.
…
Haley chose this moment to wander back in, drying her hair. She sat down on the couch with Ryan, who really can’t hide when he’s blushing. It’s the pale complexion, the contrast is dialled way up.
This is probably as good a moment as any to describe them physically.
Most of you will have seen Emmanuel as he was at the press conference, and that does seem to be his usual style. A tidy, and perfectly tailored, suit with a turtle-neck, polished leather shoes, and a watch worth more than my car. His hair is neatly groomed, as is his precisely trimmed beard, all dark brown with just a hint of grey at the temples. His age, his apparent age at least, is hard to discern. He seems almost ageless, he could be anywhere from his thirties to a very well-preserved fifty.
At a glance, you would assume Ryan is in his early twenties. He, too, was wearing a suit of much more modern style, although his jacket and tie happened to be draped over the back of a chair in the other room. He has a fashionably tousled mop of curly blond hair and a left ear full of various piercings.
If it wasn’t in poor taste, the phrase “deathly pale” would apply to both of them.
…
‘You can’t get rid of me that easily,’ Haley said. ‘Especially since you went and made me the star of the show.’
‘And your performance was exemplary. No one could claim that was special effects, especially given your subsequent live appearances in the car park for the assembled media,’ praised Emmanuel.
‘What can I say, the camera loves me,’ Haley said, running her fingers through her hair as the closest thing she got to a comb in usual circumstances. ‘And not that many of them ran away screaming,’
‘You say that, but some people are still trying to claim it’s all faked,’ Ryan said, sighing. ‘The cat’s out of the bag, though. Monsters are coming out all over the world.’
‘I just hope we’ve made the right decision. I, and the rest of the council, did predict a backlash, but not perhaps as quickly and dramatically as we saw last night,’ Emmanuel said, with a wince. ‘I do apologise again, Miss Stanford.’
‘Relax, old man,’ Haley reassured, ‘I don’t mind taking a bullet or two for a good cause. Besides, you weren’t done talking, that guy was being very impolite.’
‘And as silver linings go, I think a lot of people will think twice about taking a shot at a monster after seeing you tank multiple gunshots, and then pulling his gun apart like it was nothing,’ Ryan suggested.
‘Yeah, the big tough girl act lasted precisely until I managed to hide in a housekeepers closet, and the wolf nopes out and leaves me to heal out the bullets. That shit fucking hurt,’ Haley admitted. ‘Thanks for helping with the clean-up, by the way.’
‘Any time,’ Cadence said.
…
For context, while most of you will have seen Haley, still in her wolf form from the original reveal taking several gunshots at point-blank range after one of the reporters present had some kind of breakdown and opened fire on Emmanuel, you will not have seen the immediate aftermath. Once the gentleman in question had been escorted out by security, and the cameras were back on Emmanuel and his speech, Haley made a swift exit. I happened to follow, and discovered that she made it about halfway down the hallway before changing back into her human form, in considerable distress. I ended up hiding in a storeroom with her, helping clean up the wounds until the bullets came back out and the wounds closed over. As she explained it to me, a werewolf can tough out a great deal of physical damage while the adrenaline of a fight is going on, but once the danger ends they have a tendency to go human again to escape the pain.
…
‘So,’ reiterated Cadence, ‘in addition to our werewolf friends from episode one, we are joined today by Emmanuel Holton, and Ryan Spencer, both of whom are in fact vampires. Emmanuel was also the council’s spokesman for the press conference last night, so has become de facto spokesman for monsters in general.’
‘Yes, that is something that I will admit had not entirely crossed my mind,’ said Emmanuel. ‘Still, circumstances make their demands upon us.’
‘So, how about you tell us a bit about yourselves?’ Cadence asked.
Emmanuel took a sip of his tea, before putting it aside.
‘My name is Emmanuel Holton,’ he began, ‘although I have used a great many others over the years. I was born in fifteen hundred and twelve, in England, in the city of York. I was the second son of a blacksmith, and worked as his apprentice. In my early twenties, I fell into some rather unfortunate company, including a woman with whom I became thoroughly infatuated. Fortunately or otherwise, depending on your perspective, it turned out she was a vampire. During one of our… assignations, she turned me, and proceeded to introduce me to the wider world. Of course after a few years I had to move on from York. It didn’t do to raise suspicions in those days.’
‘I travelled around England, settling in various places for around a hundred and fifty years. I lost my companion to one of the bastard Cromwell’s generals along the way, and after that I wandered for a while. Eventually I lost my love for the place and took a ship to the new world. I settled in Pennsylvania, brand new that it was at the time. Eventually I made contact with the council and from there I’m sure you can imagine the sort of thing. I worked my way up, until I was senior enough to be the frontman when we went public.’
When Emmanuel finished, Ryan looked around uncertainly, until he realised everyone was waiting for him.
‘That’s really hard to compete with,’ Ryan said. ‘I’m Ryan. I’m twenty-six. I’m a video editor. I got turned four years ago by a transfusion from a vampire. Got into a nasty accident, nearly bled out. Turns out I knew a vampire that didn’t like the idea of me dying, so they got creative.’
‘You should not speak so of yourself,’ scolded Emmanuel. ‘There is far more to you than that.’
…
I think Ryan may have been about to attempt to say something profound at that moment, but we shall never know because Haley chose that moment to give him a noogie. Werewolves tend to show their affection physically, and they are not fond of awkward silences. Emmanuel laughed. I think he finds werewolves and their shenanigans entertaining.
…
‘So,’ Emmanuel asked, ‘what would you like to know?’
‘I’m sort of still working out the format, here. I figure we do the same thing again,’ Cadence mused. ‘Just like with our furry friends here. We have ideas about what a vampire is. How about you set the record straight?’
‘Where even to begin?’ considered Emmanuel. ‘Well, Stoker, I suppose. Do you know, I have a signed first edition somewhere? I had it done by the man himself, it amused me no end. Well, he entirely overestimated our capabilities, although I suppose one could attribute much of Dracula’s power in the story to the man himself and not his vampirism. Of course, culture ran away with the idea, and suddenly everyone who can read thinks that we can fly and control animals and take the form of a dog and such.’
‘Yeah, that’s our schtick!’ Haley protested.
‘Quite,’ Emmanuel agreed. ‘The reality is much simpler. Vampirism is a disease of the blood, which at some point in the very distant past was altered in some way through means magical. Scholarly opinion is that there are two likely causes. The first is a failed attempt at using magic to cure a viral infection of some form, causing the virus to rapidly mutate and become symbiotic with the magic itself. The second is a virus infiltrating a higher magic entity, perhaps an elf or a potent spell caster, or even an angel or demon, evolving over an extended period within the magic rich environment of their body, until it eventually passed on to a human.’
‘What we do know for a fact is that the cause is a virus. I’ve seen it with my own eyes in one of the council’s labs,’ confirmed Ryan. ‘Whatever it actually is, the scientists tell me it doesn’t look like anything else. Either it mutated so far from its original state that it’s effectively unrecognisable, or it’s so old that the rest of its evolutionary chain is long dead.’
‘As to the symptoms of our condition,’ resumed Emmanuel, ‘the headline item is that we are required to feed upon the blood of living humans on a regular basis. If we do not, we will develop increasingly severe symptoms of hunger, anaemia, and erratic behaviour until we effectively become feral creatures.’
‘To head off some obvious questions, no, we absolutely do not kill the people we feed on,’ said Ryan. ‘It’s about as much blood loss as you would have if you donated blood. Yes, we can get by for a while on donor blood, although eventually we’ll need a real subject. Yes, we can feed on animals, but it’s much less effective, and again only a short term solution.’
‘There is a magical element to the feeding process,’ Emmanuel elaborated. ‘As well as consuming the basic nutrients, the blood is a medium for the absorption of raw life force. Hence, the reduced efficacy of donor blood.’
‘So the rest of it, the sunlight and stakes and garlic and whatnot?’ asked Cadence.
‘Are stakes through the heart a vulnerability?’ Ryan asked. ‘Really? Because I’m pretty sure they’d work just as well on you.’
‘That is a fair point, which I will admit I had never considered during my last rewatch of Buffy the Vampire Slayer,’ Cadence admitted.
‘And while we’re at it,’ Ryan continued, ‘we don’t turn to dust when we die, we don’t burst into flames in the sun, and I can hold all the religious symbols I want to. And we don’t do that toothy angry face thing,’ Ryan sighs. ‘I wish I could pull off the coat like Spike, though.’
‘Oh, you could get away with it, no trouble,’ Haley enthused. ‘It’s all in how you carry yourself, my man. Jude. Jude! Hey, naptime!’ Haley proceeded to throw the towel she had been using to dry her hair at Jude’s face. ‘Tell him he’d look good in a long coat.’
Jude opened his eyes, and gave Ryan a big furry thumbs up. Ryan laughed.
‘It’s got some upsides, though,’ Ryan resumed. ‘The short version, physically at least, would be we heal fast. Faster than a werewolf, even, provided we’re all fuelled up. We’re a bit stronger, faster, and more dextrous than a human, and we’re very good at being stealthy when we want to. It’s not a turning invisible thing, we’re just good at not being noticed. Night vision, too. And we get these jumbo incisors. Well, fangs, really.’
‘Teefies,’ Haley said, showing off her own fangs, they were indeed more pronounced, although on that front (in human shape at least) the vampires had her beat.
‘As for downsides,’ he continued. ‘The main one is the vulnerability to sunlight. It’s not exactly fatal, it’s just the stronger it is, the weaker you are. An overcast day and it’s barely a problem. Hence the complexion, we don’t spend a lot of time sunbathing.’
‘That does sound like a bit of a bummer,’ Cadence agreed. ‘I’d miss a nice day out in the sun.’
‘You can enjoy such a thing to an extent, but you’d be mostly sticking to the shade,’ Emmanuel explained. ‘Also, modern sunglasses have been something of a boon in that area. Any amount of sunlight can be challenging on the eyes, so I always keep a pair on me.’
‘So, the elephant in the room. The feeding. How does this work?’ Cadence asked. ‘I don’t mean to be offensive, but I imagine people are already imagining something predatory.’
‘I will admit that it was that way in the distant past, but thankfully we live in a more civilised time now,’ Emmanuel said. ’Putting aside the obvious moral concerns, in purely practical terms that sort of thing could not pass unnoticed on any scale, and nor should it. Also, it adds a precariousness to a vampire’s blood supply, which can lead to much more regrettable situations.’
‘When you say distant?’ Cadence pressed further.
‘Not as distant as I should like, although I suspect you and I have a different perspective on what constitutes the distant past. To me, “The Civil War” was between the royalists and the parliamentarians. Be glad you live in a kinder world.’
‘It’s not the most comfortable topic to discuss,’ admitted Ryan, ‘but most vampires feed on some number of their friends, families, or romantic partners. I-’ Ryan clears his throat, nervously. ‘I have four people I feed on. My girlfriend, my brother, one of my friends from high school, and someone from my old work.’
‘And they’re all fine with being regularly bitten and drained of blood?’ Cadence asked, somewhat incredulously.
Ryan’s blushing turned up a notch.
‘It’s, it’s not an unpleasant process, or so they tell me.’ Ryan said, failing to make eye contact with anyone. ‘The bite itself is painful for a few seconds, but we have a, well, you could call it a venom. It numbs the bite location, accelerates healing after the bite and, well…’ Ryan trailed off.
‘It has a moderately potent narcotic effect,’ Emmanuel said, taking pity on him. ‘It’s a combination of a sedative, muscle relaxant, and hallucinogenic. The presumed evolutionary intent is to make a victim unable to resist. In better times, however, it does serve as a very effective sweetener when you are asking something quite substantial of a person.’
‘When you say narcotic,’ inquired Cadence, ‘are we talking about an addictive substance here, because that shows this in a very different light?’
‘No!’ Ryan protested. ‘Thankfully not. I mean, people can become addicted to anything they enjoy, food, drink, sex, gambling, anything. There’s no biological addiction component, though. You come out of it clear-headed, once you’ve slept it off, and there isn’t any withdrawal or other delayed symptoms. It is rather on us to choose our, you could say, suppliers carefully. It would benefit neither the vampire nor the supplier to create an addict, it would put both parties in very difficult situations.’
‘Yeah, I’ve met a few vampire, err,’ Haley considered, ‘feeders sounds wrong, victims is entirely too predatory, how about companions? We’re pretty good at reading people, and they usually smell fine. Honestly, the way they talk about the experience, I’ve been tempted to give it a go myself. Unfortunately, I’m told we taste fucking awful.’
Emmanuel winced and Ryan stuck his tongue out.
‘Blech,’ Ryan said, his tone revolted, ‘no offence, but you guys taste like musty old sweat and raw meat. It’s gross. What? Don’t give me that look, I got curious once, I know a few werewolves. They barely even got high off the process, it was a complete bummer all around.’
Haley ruffled his previously carefully styled hair.
‘Aww, who’s an adventurous little guy,’ she said.
Emmanuel loudly cleared his throat.
‘Most vampires will maintain a small group of individuals who know their nature, and potentially their historical identities, and who are trusted to maintain discretion,’ Emmanuel continued, making a valiant attempt to put the conversation back on track. ‘Revealing your true nature to someone for the first time is difficult, and often traumatic. I do not wish to demean the struggles of other species of monster, but, how to put this diplomatically? When a vampire reveals their nature to a human, you are putting a great deal of power in that individual’s hands.’
‘A werewolf, can, in most cases, simply laugh off an accusation of lycanthropy unless they are actually caught in their transformed state. Monsters who use a glamour to appear human can do much the same, even if their identity is betrayed. A vampire is reliant on some number of people knowing the truth of us. Remaining entirely hidden is an impossibility for us. That places us in a position of great vulnerability. We are dependent on humans in a way other monsters are not.’
‘It’s frightening, being so reliant on people,’ admitted Ryan. ‘When I turned, I had the council helping me explain, helping me convince people I wasn’t just out to kill them or playing some prank. Even with all that, I was lucky. Marian, my girlfriend that is, was the first person I told. I trusted her, but, I was a wreck the whole time. And it doesn’t get easier, either.’
‘Sadly, it does not,’ Emmanuel conceded. ‘Perhaps that is something we can hope for in this new world we are building. Through education, outreach, perhaps we can at least teach people that we are not to be feared.’
‘I can sympathise, guys,’ Haley said. ‘Doesn’t matter how much you think you know a person, you can never really know how they’ll react to something like this until it’s too late. At least I had the option not to, or some control over the timing.’
‘In modern times there is a support network of sorts available, particularly for newly turned vampires,’ Emmanuel explained. ‘Those first few days are the source of many horror stories.’
‘So, how does the process actually work?’ asked Cadence. ‘How does one become a vampire? In the normal circumstances, I mean.’
‘That is somewhere where, for the most part, popular culture did not actually get it that far wrong,’ said Emmanuel. ‘In the traditional process, one is usually bitten and fed upon, so as to reduce resistance and immune response, then the recipient is fed an equivalent quantity of the vampire’s own blood. This is generally sufficient to pass on the infection.’
‘There is no set duration to the process. It can take several days, or even several attempts. Or rather, subsequent attempts can speed the process along and prevent the infection sitting dormant for some time. Eventually, symptoms will begin to show. The recipient will initially develop symptoms of exhaustion, fever and sensitivity to light. It tends to progress from there into blackouts, seizures and other more severe conditions, until the recipient falls into a coma.’
‘The recipient does not at any point actually die. This is a common misconception, although one can appreciate how it came about in the time before modern medical instrumentation. At some point after entering the coma, the recipient will fall into a deeper state in which their vital signs become almost undetectable. Heart rate will drop substantially, breathing will slow and grow shallower, stimulus response and measurable brain activity will fall almost to zero, and body temperature will drop to the surrounding ambient level.’
‘Ahh, I see,’ Cadence said. ‘So this is where the undead stuff came from. Without an ECG machine and a load of medical tech, unless you’re being very, very, attentive, the subject just looks dead. And given, they’ve been getting sicker and sicker and gone into a coma, then “they died” isn’t an unreasonable conclusion to reach.’
‘Precisely, Miss Blanchard,’ agreed Emmanuel. ‘As you would guess, this has led to many instances of newly turned vampires being buried alive, and all the mythology that surrounds that. It is also why we tend to take substantial care to not leave someone in the process of turning unattended. To continue, the recipient will remain in that state for a day or two while the virus does its work. Eventually, vital signs will return to normal and the individual will regain consciousness.’
‘Which,’ Ryan said, taking over for him, ‘is the other reason you should never leave someone turning unattended. When you wake up from that state, you will be hungry. Dangerously, uncontrollably, hungry. If I had to guess, I’d say most of the accounts of vampires killing people they fed on came from that point in the process.’
‘Very much so,’ agreed Emmanuel. ‘The phrase “feeding frenzy” would not be inaccurate. I recall mine. My sire, the woman who turned me, that’s another thing Buffy got right by the way, she ensured there was ample supply of blood available to me. They may have been comparatively primitive times, but people weren’t stupid back then, and a trail of bloodless corpses was the sort of thing that would make your time as a vampire brief and unpleasant.’
‘It was kind of scary, honestly,’ said Ryan, looking a little far away. ‘After the accident I was in hospital, and in a bad way. Of course, the one time I make good time in LA traffic, I get wiped out by a semi truck. Then out of nowhere, things get weird. I sort of stabilise from the injuries I had, but at the same time I take this turn for the worse like I’ve picked up something completely unrelated. The hospital staff are scouring every surface and testing everyone in the ICU, thinking I’ve picked up some horrible infection, or brought one in with me. Then some guys in suits turn up, and I get transferred to a “specialist facility”.’
‘A facility which, in actuality, was just the council’s Los Angeles field office. Not even far from home. Then my buddy shows up, with those guys in suits, and explains to me what’s happening. I don’t believe a word, obviously. The ones I can understand, that is. I was still fucked up beyond belief, and on a lot of drugs, you know?’
‘But the process goes on and then, wham, I’m out. They say it looks like a coma. I don’t really know what a coma feels like. But this was psychedelic and hallucinogenic as all hell. Total out-of-body experience. Like I was me, but I wasn’t, and I was floating in this nothing that was like every sensation at once. And also out of my mind on painkillers because my bones were starting to reset themselves.’
Emmanuel nodded along through the whole description.
‘While I was out, my friend who turned me, he went and got Marian. They explained everything to her, did the standard rigmarole to prove they weren’t cranks, all that good stuff. You see, the feeding frenzy is a real thing for new vamps when we wake up from the coma. There’s a tradition, the sire gathers a bit of a buffet platter of willing people to get you through that first day, and then stands guard to make sure you don’t kill any of them by mistake. The first person I saw when I woke up was her, though. Right there, waiting for me.’
Emmanuel smiled.
‘You are lucky to have had someone so understanding at your side,’ he said. ‘She is a fine young lady.’
‘She certainly is,’ Ryan said, happily. ‘And the rest of the gang were great, too. My friend had called in some of his own group of suppliers, and the council has a few on standby for emergencies. And a big warm comfy room, where everything’s easily washable.’
‘I believe in my day the phrase was “blood orgy”,’ Emmanuel said, obviously teasing the younger vampire.
‘I was going to be a little more discreet than that, old man,’ protested a blushing Ryan. ‘And, yeah, me, my girlfriend, seven very friendly guys and girls, and everyone high on vampire venom and not wearing much lest they ruin their clothes, things happened. So sue me. It was a fantastic experience. We all stayed there for a long weekend in the end. Alternating between watching movies while they recovered, everyone eating massive takeout orders, and me eating them.’
Haley snorted a laugh, and Emmanuel feigned a cough to cover his smirk and chuckle.
‘For fuck’s sake, you all know what I mean. Well, I mean, they do call them blood orgies, and we were there for three whole days, so whatever you’re imagining, you’re probably not far off. But I will say it’s a far more wholesome experience than it sounds.’
‘That is true,’ Emmanuel conceded, letting Ryan off the hook. ‘Offering someone your blood, your life force, and putting your safety in their hands… It is an act of great generosity. It is a lot to ask of a person. Especially in those first hours, when a fledgling vampire is at their most erratic and dangerous. It is a moment of trust between friends, and even the best part of half a millennium later, I still have the fondest memories of those who were there for me in my first days. No one I knew in that part of my life chose to turn, so they departed this Earth long ago. But I won’t ever forget them.’
‘Marian, she hasn’t made her mind up yet,’ Ryan said. ‘If she wants to be a vampire, I mean. We’d been dating for six months, when I turned. That was a couple of years ago. That’s not a long time compared to, you know, forever. That’s a big decision.’
‘Wait,’ Cadence asked, ‘vampires really live forever?’
‘Nothing lives forever,’ Emmanuel said. ‘Nothing of this Earth, anyway. A vampire does not age in the same way as a human does. Humans accumulate damage and wear throughout their lives, then at a certain point their bodies weaken and begin to fail. Vampires are different. We do age to a point. It could be fair to say we mature. I was younger, visibly, than this when I was turned. Over the centuries I became as I am now. In the body of a mature adult, but without the deterioration that would incur in a human.’
He paused and looked at his hands.
‘I think I look rather good for someone my age,’ he joked. ‘I suspect I won’t age much more than this, if at all. But, as I say, nothing lives forever. We may be resilient, but a sufficient injury can still kill us. I am not aware of a plague in the world that could end us, but who knows what wonders lurk in the stars or in the future machinations of evolution. And eventually, the Earth will die, and take us with it, or the galaxy, or the universe. One day, death will claim us, as it will anyone else. I find it comforting in a way. One day we will join the rest of humanity again.’
‘You find weird shit comforting,’ Haley muttered.
‘No, I think I understand,’ Cadence said. ‘Everyone you know ages and dies. You can’t turn everyone you care about, or there’d be so many vampires the secret could never have been kept. Barring a handful of other vampires, there’d be nothing permanent in that life.’
‘Precisely, Miss Blanchard,’ Emmanuel agreed. ‘It has its advantages, don’t mistake me for ungrateful. I have seen such wonderful things. I saw the signing of the declaration of independence, the emancipation proclamation, electricity, rail, flight, the moon landings. And I met Washington, Lincoln, Churchill, Mozart, Shakespeare, Dickens, the list goes on and on. When I think of the wonders awaiting me in the future, I have nothing to fear. Still, I have my moments of sadness when I think of those I’ve left behind.’
‘That’s the part I’m not looking forward to,’ admitted Ryan.
‘I’ve met true immortals, in my time. Entities that will, barring some grand upheaval in the workings of things, see out the life of the universe,’ Emmanuel continued. ‘They have such a different perspective on existence to us. To them, human or vampire, we all pass in the blink of an eye. It is a fact of life to them.’
‘When you say true immortals, what do you mean?’ Cadence asked. ‘Because my furry friends here, they mentioned angels and demons.’
‘Correct, Miss,’ Emmanuel said, with a smile. ‘They were speaking God’s honest truth, if such a fellow exists, that is. We share our world with occasional visitors from above and below. They’re a little elusive on how the whole arrangement works, vis-à-vis Heaven and Hell and the afterlife and such. I think they want it to remain a surprise. I understand that, barring the most extreme of circumstances, both demons and angels are eternal.’
‘They’re not exactly monsters, though,’ Ryan clarified. ‘Not like us. Monsters are, how do I put it, derived from humanity? Does that work?’
Haley shrugged and Emmanuel nodded.
‘Most of us either were human, or are descended from humans, or evolved from humans, or something like that,’ he continued. ‘Demons and angels are their own thing. No idea where they came from.’
‘Not big on detailed explanations, are they?’ Cadence asked.
‘No, and in a way I am glad of it,’ said Emmanuel. ‘Where would be the fun in life if every mystery was solved?’
‘True that,’ Haley agreed. ‘Although our paranormal podcaster here might disagree.’
‘Hey, if the mysteries run out, I’m out of a job. And then I’d have to go back to real journalism. Well, that or sell out and go into PR, but I have my self-respect,’ Cadence said. ‘Now, I suppose there is something that comes to mind. Between all of you, you’ve mentioned a serial killing werewolf, feral vampires, and various other things. How much has humanity actually cottoned onto this. Does law enforcement have a protocol for dealing with monsters? What about governments? And historically, what, the inquisition?’
‘You aren’t far from the truth, unfortunately,’ the elder vampire said. ‘The council does, or did, a great deal of work to keep the existence of monsters secret from the bulk of humanity. This sometimes means policing our own, where humanity cannot. When a monster steps out of line, we do what is necessary to protect both humanity and ourselves. But, in these more enlightened times, we do work with human governments and law enforcement. Those that can be trusted, at least.’
‘Many law enforcement and intelligence agencies have their appointed specialists and subdivisions to handle “unconventional” cases. Or more accurately, to take them out of wider view, and to ensure they are attended to by those that can handle them safely. I shan’t break any confidences, here. We decided to disclose our own secrets, not to burn those who have helped us keep them.’
‘It was different in the past, though. So very different. The council has existed for centuries, but it cannot be everywhere, and prior to modern transport and communications, often we wouldn’t even hear about an incident until long after it was resolved, if at all. If we were lucky, and we often weren’t, then monsters would, as we always have, take care of our own. Even if that meant putting them down. You must understand, Miss Blanchard, we were people of our time. We had no qualms with humans putting down a feral vampire or some such thing. They had every right to defend themselves.’
‘The problem was that they often wouldn’t stop there. It is why we valued our secrecy so highly. A monster commits some crime, and some nobleman, inquisitor, priest, lawman or the like goes on a crusade. Do you know how many witches were executed during the Salem witch trials, Miss?’
‘Err, I know this,’ Cadence said. ‘I did a miniseries on them. At least nineteen, if, that is, you accept the findings of the court that they were witches. And that’s before the people that died before trial, and the like.’
‘The correct answer is none, Miss Blanchard,’ Emmanuel said. ‘Not a single witch was so much as accused. At the first sign of the madness that was to come, the real witches up and left. And then, in their lunacy, the people of those towns destroyed each other for fear of some imagined threat. The secret wasn’t just to protect us. It was to protect you from yourselves.’
‘We can deal with vampire hunters, witch finders, inquisitors, and every other radical that humanity chooses to throw at us. We have survived them for as long as we have existed. Frequently, though, it is those around us who suffer. Our friends, our families, our neighbours, or just the innocent strangers down the road. The other, who they were itching to blame for something, and were just waiting for the right accusation.’
‘I have an original copy of the Malleus Maleficarum in my personal collection,’ Emmanuel continued. ‘You may have heard of it in its other name. The Hammer of Witches. Even the inquisition thought it excessive. I took it from the personal effects of a demon hunter, in the eighteen twenties. Not far from here, in fact, although Manhattan looked a little different back then.’
‘The council usually leaves demons to their own affairs. They’re more than capable of taking care of themselves. But this hunter, he’d caught the trail of an incubus, a harmless thing, and something of a friend of mine. Except the incubus came and went between Hell and Earth, and while he was out of reach, this demon hunter left a trail of bodies behind him, slaughtering his way through anyone he believed tainted by associated with the demon.’
‘I hunted him, myself, through the city one night, and I dragged him screaming to a dark place below the ground. I killed that bastard with my own hands, and I offer no apology for it. That poor incubus was heartbroken when he learned what had happened, so many of his companions murdered, so many innocent bystanders killed.’
‘The bastard left little behind him, and what he did I destroyed. No record exists of him, no one but I know his name, and I left no body to be found. All that remains of him is that damned book. The delusional writings of a madman dead before even my time. It’s a foul thing, but it serves me well as a reminder that we protect humanity as much as we do monsters. My apologies, I think I rather wandered off-topic.’
‘No, no, not at all,’ Cadence said, as everyone in the room shuffled awkwardly and cleared throats. Even Jude had sat with his canine ears pricked and fur on end as he’d listened. ‘I want everything, not just the nice bits. Wait, are you going to get in trouble? Do I need to get Eddie to cut that?’
‘I think not, Miss, although I thank you for your concern. In fact, the watch at the time were most relieved to learn of his death. We had a contact at the time in what counted for law enforcement, a local constable. He had been investigating the murders himself, and was profoundly grateful for the assistance.’
‘I suppose it was a different time,’ Cadence said.
‘Indeed, Miss,’ he agreed. ‘We can be grateful that we have, for the most part, moved beyond such barbarism.’
There was a moment of silence as the occupants of the room considered the story. Then Jude whined and offered the vampires a slice of his pizza. Emmanuel laughed and scratched the werewolf behind the ear.
‘Can you have normal food?’ Constance asked.
‘We certainly can, Miss,’ Emmanuel said.
‘Think about it, we still need fuel to function,’ Ryan added, ‘and a pint or so of blood every few days just doesn’t have the calories or nutrients to keep a person ticking. And a good thing, too. Going without real food would make this whole thing unbearable.’
Jude whined at the idea.
‘Yeah, that would just be sad,’ Haley agreed. ‘And before you ask, they can have garlic too.’
‘A life without garlic would be a sad thing indeed,’ Emmanuel said. ‘I think myself rather a good cook. I’ve had long enough to practice, after all. Some of my recipes may be a little old fashioned, though, considering I learned several from my mother.’
‘Have you considered a cookbook?’ Cadence asked. ‘Medieval cookery from a guy who was actually there?’
Emmanuel opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again in thought.
‘You know what, the idea has some merit. It would be a shame if such things were lost to the world. Now that the secret is out, there would be no harm in doing such a thing openly. Not that I need the money, but I could just put them on the internet.’
‘Cooking show on YouTube,’ Ryan said. ‘Think about it, council’s going to be needing to do all sorts of outreach, and you’re a known face. We could put up an official channel, and have a few shows. Let people get to know us.’
‘YouTube, podcasts, people connect to it. It’s not a bad idea,’ Constance said, considering the potential of a vampiric cooking show.
‘I wonder…’ Emmanuel said. ‘I will raise the idea with the others. I am sure there are a few monsters and related individuals who have a topic of interest we could use as part of our outreach strategy. Home remedies with a witch, gardening with a dryad.’
‘I got to admit, from what you’re telling me, if you exclude the big obvious things like the blood and the longevity, then life as a vampire seems pretty normal.’
‘It really is,’ Ryan said. ‘There are adjustments, obviously. I tend to be pretty nocturnal, not that I strictly have to be. If I really wanted to, I could have kept my old job, and my old hours, and no one would have been any the wiser for a long time. I think Los Angeles summers would have been a bit too much for me, though.’
‘Yes, I must admit a more moderate climate is more comfortable for us,’ Emmanuel agreed. ‘You come to appreciate longer nights and milder summers. We vampires are urban creatures for a reason. It’s no coincidence that we are associated so much with the more temperate areas of Europe, New England, and places like that.’
‘Tall buildings, shade, subways, lots of indoor activities, night-life. New York’s perfect,’ Ryan said.
‘Are you concerned that the reputation monsters, but especially vampires and werewolves, have from fiction and folklore might be harmful to you. Especially since you’re talking about a need for outreach?’ Cadence asked.
‘Can’t not be,’ Haley said. ‘And if we’re being fair, some of it is understandable. Look at what happened yesterday. Guy did something stupid, but it was because he was scared. That didn’t come from nowhere.’
‘We are most fortunate that it was you and me in the firing line, and not someone more vulnerable,’ Emmanuel said.
‘It’ll take time for people to adjust to the fact we’re real, but that’s just what’s going to have to happen. We’re done hiding in the shadows. This is our world too. And people will find out soon enough that there are way more of us than they might think,’ said Ryan.
‘But we’ll extend the olive branch first, at least,’ Haley said.
‘Can I ask, the other humans in your lives, Marian, your other friends, how did they feel about this change?’ Cadence asked. ‘Are they concerned at all for their safety, or yours?’
‘I think everyone’s worried and hopeful all at the same time,’ Ryan said. ‘There were probably all of a few dozen humans who knew about this in advance. Basically only people who were so associated with the actual individuals who would go public that they kind of got outed with us by default. So they got some heads up so they could decide what they wanted to do. Marian stayed in town. She absolutely refused to hide.’
Ryan smiled proudly as he spoke.
‘When I told her what was going to happen, she said it was about damn time. She’s in my room down the hall, wanted to be right here for the big show.’
‘Some of us are fortunate in who we have chosen to associate with,’ Emmanuel said, nodding. ‘She has shown impressive fortitude for as long as I have known her.’
‘This might be a little personal, but how do you both feel about, well, not to beat around the bush, your difference in relative life expectancy?’ asked Cadence.
‘It’s a fair question,’ Ryan admitted. ‘We’ve talked about it. Obviously, that’s going to come up. We haven’t quite made a decision yet. I mean, before the accident we were just starting to talk about getting married, maybe. Then out of nowhere it became do you want to be a vampire. And it’s not like she’s outright opposed to the idea, but there’s a kind of elephant in the room.’
‘What, vampirism isn’t enough?’ said Cadence.
Jude whined, and his ears went flat.
‘Yeah, I know, shit sucks man,’ Haley agreed.
Ryan sighed sadly before resuming.
‘Vampires can’t have kids. There’s a whole technical explanation for why, but basically the virus sterilises us. We both wanted to have kids. That’s already out for me, my own anyway, and it’s a big ask for her. We’re kind of thinking through options at the moment.’
‘It is a difficult point for many facing that choice,’ Emmanuel added.
‘Or the alternative, which is functional immortality while you watch your family age and die,’ Ryan finished.
‘Or, if I may suggest another viewpoint, to watch over and shepherd generations of your descendants. I’ve known vampires who had children before they were turned,’ Emmanuel said, ‘and for them while the passing of every generation is a grievous wound, they get to see so many of their children’s children grow and flourish.’
‘Did you have children? Before you turned, I mean?’ Ryan asked.
‘No,’ the elder vampire said, shaking his head. ‘At least not that I know of. I kept track of a few branches of the family for a century or two, but we drifted apart. Quite literally in my case. On a boat. I feel myself suddenly in the mood for a stiffer drink. What does everyone say to my calling the room service?’
Haley snorted, stifling a laugh.
‘I meant for a bottle of wine, for heaven’s sake,’ he protested. ‘I’m rather partial to a nice red.’
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