My content output has been a little reduced of late. I blame overwatch. On the plus side…VIDEOS!!
I imagine I’d like to do a bit more (you know, speech and all that modern newfangled stuff) but I wanted to get some of the real basics down.
Category: Video Games
Skyrim – The Crusher Chronicles Pt.3: So there you are…
My break in the town turned out to be less relaxing than I originally intended. Had a fight with this guy. He was a pretty good sport about the whole thing.
I won.
Then the Jarl asked me to investigate a burnt out house. That strikes me more as a job for the local fire department but I won’t complain. You would think that ONE of the townsfolk would have noticed the creepy ghost girl occupying the place. She challenged me to play hide and seek to tell me who torched the place. Given the fact she was already dead and that my usual persuasive techniques (smashy smashy) would be largely ineffective I complied. Then a vampire attacked me.
It turns out there was some kind of vampire love triangle thing going on. I wasn’t really paying attention. The gist of it was there was a “master vampire” in a cave just outside the town. I was not entirely sure at the time whether this was literal or a BDSM dungeon type thing.
It turned out to be literal vampires so the town and I “Torch and Pitchforked” our way over to the vampires lair and slaughtered them all. I caught a nasty case of turning into a vampire but I had a thing for that.
Work done I set off back on the road to Whiterun. Then a dragon happened.
The problem in the end didn’t turn out to be keeping them on the ground as I expected but getting close enough to hit them while they try and breath blast you to death. Full frontal charge followed by repeated face smashings do seem to be the way to go.
I did die a couple of times in the process. I found that any time I tried to be clever and flank it I would lose a ton of health then it would take off again.
Luckily on the final attempt he was kind enough to stay on the ground, and I got a free recharge from leveling up mid fight.
Now back to the road. I’m sure things can’t get worse from here.
Oh, it’s snowing, delightful.
And bandits. Great. Are there not policemen or soldiers or something around here. Like some guys on horses with armour and weapons. I don’t think its asking a lot, I mean what do you pay your taxes for in a place like this. It’s not like they’ve invented proper sewage or rubbish collection yet.
Oh and vampires. That’s it, I’m talking to the Jarl.
Ahh, finally I’m back. I’m gonna sell my stuff and get started on an actual proper quest. First though I’m going to go and have words about some things.
Well that was the plan, I was going to dramatically march in and “have words” with the Jarl. As it turns out though someone happened to appear out of nowhere just when I was getting my angry on (literally, she wasn’t in the room when I walked in, maybe she finally caught up to me because I’d not been fast travelling).
Good Lord Lydia where the hell have you been?
“Right behind me….but…for…fucking hell Lydia I got the crap beaten out of me by a necromancer, I nearly turned into a vampire twice and A BEAR ATE MY FUCKING HORSE!!”
*sigh* “I am sworn to carry your burdens”
“You know what Lydia I am not in the mood for your shit, just carry this dragon bone for me”
OK, fine, let’s just set off now and deal with some shit. It’s time to go and see the Greybeards and the walks going to take a while.
More bandits. I think I might be going seriously the wrong way. Well at least this time I have some backup.
And they had some nice armour in their chest. Not sure why they weren’t using it really. Not sure about the colour though. Kind of clashes with the green. It will have to do for now though.
The remainder of the Journey to Ivarstead was largely uneventful.
Now just to stop in the town for the night before we head on up the mountain, that’s bound to be a lengthy and tiring trek full of trip hazards.
You know what…You could just ask, you don’t need to go all out on the hints. I’ve got an axe as big as you, it’s probably a safe bet I would be interested in new and interesting things to hit with it.
You could probably convert that into like 10 flats (sorry “luxury apartments”), maybe add a second floor, really maximise rental income, you know?
Eurgh, I feel dirty now.
Yeah, actually, you go first Lydia. Make up for the horse. Wait what’s that noise.
Wow, how’s that for a shit welcome. I come all the way out to this place and a ghost tells me to fuck off. Charming.
Dude’s got a nice office though, classy you know. Ambient. Just need to randomly pull some levers until I can follow that translucent dickhead and…There we go.
Surprisingly solid for a ghost. Oh its just an old weirdo with a special potion that makes him look like a ghost that he uses to terrorise the townsfolk. And he would have gotten away with it all if it wasn’t for this meddling orc.
Oh, it’s not your fault…I think it’s probably all the meat and beer fumes making you unusually susceptible to poorly implemented shenanigans.
What’s that, a gift you say?
Oooo, a shiny thing. I know what these do (interesting aside it took me a disturbingly long time to work out that you could rotate items in the inventory the first time I played, made these dungeons a lot more hassle).
These things strike me as very over engineered for a huge stone door. In fact how long have these things even been here. I mean how does it even work, it’s like the tomb at the start of raiders of the lost arc, none of that shit should be working.
Hmm, this could be dangerous. Lydia take point.
Hmm, skeletons. I can handle skeletons. And zombies. Rather a lot of skeletons and zombies.
Giant pools of oil like this make me miss bows. Tried to unrelenting force the lamps down but, of course, they flew off and missed. Need to find a way to heave half a brick at them.
For a draugr overlord he didnt take too much killing. Still, theres a wall of shoutiness. Worth the effort to get that.
Oh, “Kyne’s Peace”. Great, if I anger a mudcrab thatll really help more than FusRoDa ing the snippy little sod over the horizon. *sigh*
Now all that’s left to do here is rest up once more at the inn and set off up the…wait…oh my god what the hell happened to you?!
I mean that broom literally went straight through you…did you trip and fall onto it? Is…is no one else horrified by this. No? OK then, everyone seems fine with it. Maybe they’re waiting for shock to set in or for that flute to fill up with blood before they do anything.
Maybe…maybe she hasn’t noticed and no one wants to alarm her in case she causes a scene. I think I shall just back slowly away.
It is picturesque as fuck up here.
This is a really pretty game. It’s easy to forget it came out in 2011.
Dammit Lydia, you don’t shoot a guy in the dick! I realise I killed him with an axe anyway but it’s the principle of the thing.
Nice place they’ve got up here. Commutes a pisser but the views are pretty nice. I suppose if you walk up and down this mountain every day you can at least skip leg day due to your huge over developed leg muscles. Probably good for kicking in any doors that refuse to do your bidding as well.
Hmm, typical courier just dump your shit anywhere,
Hmm….This doesn’t feel right to me. It’s like there’s something missing. Wait, I know just the thing.
There…That’s better. Class the place up a bit.
The personal touch really makes a difference, doesn’t it?
Skyrim – The Crusher Chronicles Pt.2: A Comedy of Cockups
I continued my quest for adventure by riding to the far north west.
The first town I stumbled on was Solitude, in which some random peasant was complaining about oddities in a cave. Prevailing opinion was that he was probably mental but I thought id have a look.
Most impolitely the proprieters of Wolfskull Cave had left some Skeletons loitering outside. That’s practically fly-tipping, theres a reason you don’t just dump gran in the woods. Yeah she’s not causing any trouble now but a few weeks from now and some time with the crows and the daft old biddy could constitute a major public health hazard.
There’s still no sign of Lydia. I really should look for her. She had all my dragon bone. Probably sold it all for skooma money and passed out on a heap of kitty-people. So I guess I’ll be going in on my own.
You call that a welcoming party, hah. Smashy smashy. Maybe the next thing they throw at me will be a tad more impressive.
Or not as the case may be. For a traditionally high intelligence class this guy doesn’t strike me as the top of the class. No worries though, repeated axe blows to the face will solve most problems in a “whole new heap of problems” kind of way.
Then all of a sudden the cavalry comes running. With backup. Like the entire population of the cave. Now I remember why I used to kill the enemies one at a time from a great distance.
His buddies drop easily enough but this guy just refuses to drop dead. You’d think repeated axe blows would do a bit more damage. Nevermind, im running out of potions and this guy just wont drop. That means one thing: RETREAT.
That was highly embarrassing, but even Orcs don’t have a death wish. Well not for the most part anyway. It would appear though that I’m not quite ready to take on the world single handed. Perhaps the best plan is to ride back to Whiterun, clear a little of the main story and upgrade Unrelenting Force a little. Maybe buy a house to store my stuff and track Lydia down.
What’s this then? Poor murdered travellers? That’s more my level. I shall investigate and avenge their deaths.
Lord it get’s even worse…wait…what’s this?
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. Abandon righteous crusade. Run away.
So…yeah. Back to the road. My it’s a long way to whiterun. No wonder I usually use fast travel. But that’s the point, I don’t want to miss all the fun on the road. Like this, look, its some guys…standing by some barely dressed corpses.
That’s…something. Lets say hi.
On second thought I don’t think soldiers usually stand by the road demanding money from passers by.
Yes, I think you might be right on that.
Now, lets get back to business. Now…where the hell is my horse. Oh…
Oh, for god’s sake where did you come from.
Yep…He definitely killed my horse. Look’s like it’s RAGE TIME.
Just because you’re a huge hairy creature doesnt mean reapeatedly being smashed in the face with a two handed battleaxe won’t kill you. In fact it will, quite nicely.
Still, feeling a tad angry still, especially given now I have to walk all the sodding way to Whiterun. I do still feel a little rampagey. Gonna need to kill some more thing’s. Not hugely specific on what.
Yes, that. That’ll do nicely. Whatever happens to be in there.
Killed these guys.
And this one. So much for magical wards.
This one just got the vapors and fainted.
Killed this guy so hard he exploded.
This one didn’t explode. Just fell over dead.
I DO like these guys taste in interior decoration. I’ll give them that one.
Doesn’t mean that any of them will be saved from my post horse rage party.
Ahhhh….That’s much better. Now what was I doing…Oh yeah, walking to Whiterun. Back to the road it is.
Lordy there’s a lot of road. Should stop somewhere. That’ll be nice.
This place doesn’t look too bad. They’ve probably got some problems with damp but I imagine that won’t be a problem if I only stay ONE night.
Skyrim – The Crusher Chronicles Pt.1
I have now officially had it with playing Elder Scrolls games as a stealth archer.
I’ve tried many times to play an interesting character and then by the time I step blinking out of the starter dungeon I’m somehow wearing a full set of leather armour and carrying a bow. Not entirely sure how that keeps happening but what can you do.
It’s not that I don’t like the stealth archer, there’s something deeply satisfying about clearing an entire bandit fort without a single guy spotting you, but it does lead to playing the same game over and over again. And on top of that some high level baddies can be a nightmare for the stealth archer. Anything that can survive a critical and then spot you can very rapidly violate you with a sledgehammer. On top of that I always end up a werewolf as well. And usually play as a wood elf or similar. Basically “Shouty Hairy Legolas”.
So I want to play something completely different. In fact I want to play two completely different things. A full on walking tank and a magic only wizard. For now its tank time.
Ive settled on a couple of rules for this run through:
- Never equip a bow or crossbow.
- Never equip light armour.
- No becoming a werewolf (ive never done vampire, might go for that)
- No magic (potions and food for healing).
- No fast travel via the world map, but carts are OK (I will almost definitely abandon this one once I get bored).
I think there’s a clear correct answer on what race to play as for this type of character.
This is crusher. Likes include heavy bladed and blunt weapons, huge lumps of meat, shouting at things and running shouting at people waving a heavy bladed weapon. Dislikes include non-violent resolution, small hard to hit things and enemies that arent dead yet.
Pretty soon I’d settled on axes as weapons. The swords seemed a little too close to my backup weapons from the stealth archer days. Hammers were frustratingly slow.
As soon as I left the starting dungeon I settled on a nice stroll to Whiterun, stopping on the way only to upgrade my weapons and armour in that town with the mill in it. Well I was going to go to Whiterun but Bleak Falls Barrow was right there where I could see it and do the Golden Claw quest.
Luckily by the time I finished that and made it to Whiterun I had money enough for an extravagant purchase.
I never usually buy a horse this early, if at all, but if I’m swearing off of fast travel then he should be a help, in that traditional Skyrim “my horse is walking down a vertical cliff face, holy shit the thigh muscles my guy must have to hold on”.
Fun Bonus: Now that I’m playing a melee tank mounted combat isn’t as bad as I remembered. Riding through a group of weaker enemies, circling them and smashing them with a big axe is kind of satisfying. I feel like I should have a lance and shout a lot.
The first dragon was quite the change of pace too, I’m used to hiding behind a tree stump until they stop shouting at me and then shooting them in the personals but that’s obviously no longer an option. Things went to a much less controlled “OH SHIT ITS LANDED, HIT IT HIT IT, SMASH ITS FACE IN SON WAAAAAGGGHHH” kind of style (this is NOT a complaint by the way).
It wasn’t too hard for the first one but I’ve a feeling that later on when they spend more time in the air it’ll become a challenge.
Then I picked up Lydia to carry all my shit around (at least until I buy a house) and rode off into the sunset for a nice jaunt around looking for some side quests. And immediately lost Lydia. She didnt even turn up when I rested at inns or waited. I might have to console her back…Why cant she have a horse?
You know what I feel like this run needs some mods….